"Cable guy's" roast window closing soon

This week Comedy Central announced their roasters for Larry the Cable Guy.

Well funny be damned, even a hack comedian gets a roast. Jeff Foxworthy did too, so it's only fair, right? What's next, Dane Cook?

Execs at the Viacom owned network right now are probably saying, "Oooo! We never thought of him."

Among the roasters are Nick DiPaolo, Jeffrey Ross, Greg Giraldo and Lisa Lampanelli. Who hasn't seen their smiling faces enough during a CC roast? It's like the network has them on contract as professional roasters too, which can't be such a bad thing. Between the four of them, Lisa Lampanelli is the only person with a career.

But choosing her for a roast of a white redneck "from the south" is questionable too.

"How many jokes can you make about black cock," Robert Bykowski, 27-year-old Chicago resident, said.

Not too many in the Confederacy, one would imagine. If anyone can make such a stupid event funny, it would be Lampanelli. Who else could we lean against? Dan Marino, the hall of fame quarterback from the Miami Dolphins. His comedy experience doesn't reach past Ace Ventura, and that's stretching it. Next.

Toby Keith, the country music sensation. OK, he falls into the "from the south" category. His music videos are pretty humorous. But his comedy would have to be prewritten and come in the form of a song. Try again.

The only other salvation so far is Drew Carey, who must not be earning enough on "The Price is Right" to sign up for this B-List gig.

A roast is generally celebrating the achievements of one person. Denis Leary was roasted, Bob Sagat was roasted and well, that's the end of the worthy comedy roasts. It is agreed that Pamela Anderson and William Shatner were not comedy roasts, but they do have a long career of achievements, sort of.

What about Steve Martin, Eddie Murphy, Dave Barry, Bill Cosby, Robin Williams, Dave Chappelle, Chris Rock, Jim Carey (getting iffy), etc. The list goes on.

"Maybe they wouldn't agree to it," Bykowski speculated.

He also said the Blue Collar Comedy Tour has made Comedy Central a lot of money with Blue Collar TV and the tour being replayed at least twice a week.

He's right. For a network that has a monopoly on the comedy scene it's not about the quality, it's about the money.

"Git r dun" Comedy Central because it's shameless not to capitalize on gimmick comedy.