Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Prosectuting Phelps

By Tim Bearden
Editor-in-chief

Michael Phelps, say it ain't so!

You apologized? Really? You're a gold medal Olympian, who was caught relaxing after a tough two years of training and you apologized for having a little "me and Mary Jane time?"

In my eyes, you had nothing to apologize for. More than half the country has at least tried pot once. You're not a headline, you're a statistic.

But now you must make another apology Phelps. You must apologize to 97 percent of the 26,000 CNBC viewers who are in favor of more lenient marijuana laws.

You have to apologize to the folks at High Times for losing a potential spokesperson. You can only print so many copies with Snoop Dogg on the cover ya know.

You may have been a cover story if you would have taken the Obama route and said, "Of course I inhaled, that's the point isn't it?" Then you would have been a reefer hero.

But nooo, you had to make your corporate sponsors happy? Otherwise how would you know what time it is without Omega. Hell, you may even wind up swimming naked courtesy Speedo.

So, there's another apology. What about all the women who wanted to see your toned package? Where's the remorse for them?

You've forgotton about this nation's progressive agenda, you have no respect for struggling publications and you've alienated at least half of the world.

In saving you're ass, you've forgotton the big picture of the little guy.

1 comment:

Comedy Corner Magazine said...

Submitted by lenny via MySpace

Why apologize? Make an excuse instead..
All the Australians are doing it!
Janet Evans is passed out in the master bedroom...and I need
some courage!
I just like the sound of bubbling water.
Snoop told me to.
We were going to watch Southpark.
Track stars already did up all the cocaine.
I was prepping to land a Taco Bell endorsement.
That party was REALLY sucking.